What to Do if a Spouse Won’t “Drop” a Domestic Violence Case in Washington State

If you were arrested for a domestic-violence-related offense in Tacoma, Lakewood, Puyallup, or elsewhere in Pierce County, you might assume everything goes away if your spouse tells the court they don’t want to press charges. Understandable—but that’s not how Washington works.

Once the State files charges, the case is State of Washington v. You. Your spouse (or partner) becomes the complaining witness. They can share their wishes, but they do not control charging or dismissal. A prosecutor decides whether to continue, reduce, divert, or ask to dismiss. A judge must approve any dismissal.

For help with your case from our Tacoma, WA domestic-violence defense attorneys, call the Law Offices of Smith & White at (253) 203-1645.

Why Your Spouse Can’t “Drop” the Case

Washington treats domestic-violence cases as public-safety matters, not private disputes. Many prosecutor’s offices follow some form of a “no-drop” approach: they do not automatically dismiss simply because the complaining witness asks. Local practice varies by office and by facts, but the key point is the same—the State controls the case.

Mandatory Arrest & First Appearance: What Happens Next

Washington uses a mandatory-arrest framework under RCW 10.31.100(2)(d). When officers have probable cause to believe a qualifying DV assault occurred within the previous four hours, they must arrest the primary aggressor. After booking, you’ll see a judge at your first appearance/arraignment. Courts often impose release conditions, including a criminal no-contact order (NCO), under RCW 10.99.040 and set your next court date.

No-Contact Orders: Rules, Risks, and How to Seek Modification

A criminal NCO is a court order—not a suggestion. Until a judge changes it in writing, you must follow it exactly, even if your spouse wants contact. Common terms include: no contact (direct or indirect), keep a distance, no weapons, and sometimes a move-out provision.

Violations are new crimes. Willful violations of criminal NCOs issued in DV cases are punished under RCW 7.105.450, as referenced by RCW 10.99.050(2)(a).
Consent is not a defense. “They said it was okay” does not protect you. Only a signed court order modifies or terminates the NCO.
Modification is possible—but not automatic. The protected person can request change, and the defense can bring a motion. Courts weigh safety, history, treatment steps, housing/child-care logistics, and proposed safeguards. Your lawyer can guide you on timing, declarations, compliance proof, and whether interim conditions (e.g., monitored exchanges, third-party presence) make sense.

Why Prosecutors May Proceed Without the Spouse

Even if your spouse doesn’t want to participate, prosecutors often evaluate whether they can prove the case with other evidence:

911 calls and dispatch logs
Officer body-worn video and photos of injuries or property damage
Medical records and third-party witnesses
Admissible hearsay exceptions (e.g., excited utterances, present-sense impressions, statements for medical diagnosis under Evidence Rule 803)
Confrontation law allows certain 911 statements during an ongoing emergency to be admitted even without the witness (see Davis v. Washington).
Forfeiture by wrongdoing can apply if a defendant’s conduct causes a witness’s unavailability (ER 804(b)(6)).

Bottom line: the State asks, “Can we prove this beyond a reasonable doubt?”—not “What does the witness want today?”

What To Do Now (Step-By-Step)

Read your orders carefully. Confirm the protected person’s name, distance requirements, residence terms, child-exchange provisions, and any firearms conditions.
No contact means no contact. No calls, texts, DMs, tags, gifts, or indirect messages through friends or family.
Don’t go back home unless the order clearly allows it or you have a court-approved exception (sometimes with law-enforcement standby).
Preserve evidence immediately. Save screenshots, texts, call logs, social media, photos, Ring/phone video, and names of witnesses.
Give your lawyer a timeline. Include who was present, any prior conflicts, medical/mental-health context, and relevant location data.
Route all communication through counsel. Do not ask anyone to “fix it” with the complaining witness—this can look like witness tampering.
Address firearms/CPL issues. If ordered, surrender promptly and keep proof. Courts can set compliance review hearings (RCW 9.41.801). Certain convictions trigger prohibitions (RCW 9.41.040).
Follow your release conditions and attend every hearing. Washington court rules (CrR/CrRLJ 3.2) require least-restrictive conditions, but violations invite stricter terms—and new charges.

Common Mistakes That Create New Charges

Violating the NCO. Even a brief, seemingly harmless text can lead to arrest.
Indirect contact. Asking a friend to pass a message or “tell them to calm down” can be seen as contact—or witness tampering (RCW 9A.72.120).
Social-media missteps. Subtweets, tags, and “likes” can be construed as contact.
Returning home for property without a clear order exception or proper standby.
Discussing the case online. Posts can be admissions the State uses later.

Firearms & Surrender Orders

In DV cases, courts may order temporary surrender of firearms and a concealed pistol license under RCW 9.41.800, with compliance review hearings (RCW 9.41.801) to verify follow-through. A DV-related conviction can trigger firearm-possession prohibitions under RCW 9.41.040 (and federal law may also apply). Ask your attorney how to navigate this without creating new exposure.

FAQs for Pierce County DV Cases

Can my spouse just tell the judge to drop it?
They can share their wishes, but they don’t control charging. The prosecutor decides whether to proceed or seek dismissal; a judge must approve any dismissal.

If my spouse doesn’t appear, will the case be dismissed?
Not necessarily. Prosecutors often rely on 911 audio, body-cam, medical records, and admissible statements. The question is whether the State can still meet its burden.

Can we live together if we share kids?
Only if the written NCO permits it after a judge modifies the order. Without a modification, living together is a violation—even if both of you agree.

They texted me first—am I safe to reply?
No. The order binds you. Do not respond. Save the message, give it to your lawyer, and discuss options for modification.

How fast can we modify the NCO?
It depends on court calendars, safety concerns, and case facts. Your attorney can file the motion, prepare declarations, and propose safeguards that address the court’s concerns.

Bottom Line for Tacoma & Pierce County

Your spouse cannot “drop” a Washington domestic-violence case. Prosecutors and judges control what happens next, and cases often move forward even when relationships have cooled. Your best move is disciplined compliance, rapid evidence preservation, and strategic legal action—especially on any request to modify a no-contact order.

For help with your case from our Tacoma, WA domestic-violence defense attorneys, call the Law Offices of Smith & White at (253) 203-1645.