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Examination of Male Domestic Violence Victims Remaining Silent, Part III

On Behalf of | May 24, 2016 | Domestic Violence

No one should live in fear. No one deserves to be abused. No one asks for domestic violence. Victims need to be helped and protected. These are platitudes that are now generally accepted by the public. This is good because they are true. However, there is an unspoken societal caveat to these statements. Society quite often assumes that the victims are always women and the abusers are always men. This is simply not true. The truth is not made any easier for the public to accept since the cases of domestic violence with a male victim are vastly under-reported. There are many reasons for this and this article is a continuation of an examination of this issue.

One of the reasons why men may choose not to report domestic violence is one that was traditionally a reason woman did not report domestic violence. The reason is financial dependence. Many think that a woman will choose to stay with an abuser because she is financially dependent. That is still true but it is for different reasons than it was formerly. It is for these new reasons that men will also feel this. In the past it was normative for a married couple to have one income which the man provided so it was very difficult for a woman to leave as she would have no income. The equal rights movement changed all that as there was a huge influx of women into the workforce. Although this was primarily a positive change and was done for positive reasons there were some negative consequences. Think about the economic consequences of what was essentially a doubling of the available workforce. Wages went down and prices went up. This has not changed over the years. So now both partners feel they need a double income and both are loath to leave the relationship for fear of financial consequences no matter who is the abuser or victim.

There is also another financial consideration that men are going to have in Washington. Even in the face of domestic violence it is generally the woman who is given custody and so the man will be court ordered to pay child support plus he will generally be the one ordered to pay any maintenance (alimony) ordered. So, although he may believe he makes enough to make it on his own he may have doubts that he could afford to take care of what would be in effect two household costs.

Due to the different way that sex drives work in men and women it may be a sexual considerations that keep a man from reporting violent acts. It has been mentioned that male victims have generally had their self-esteem lowered by verbal abuse that is usually also taking place to the point that he believes he will not be able to get another woman to want to be with him. The next thought that may come is then he not be able to get another sexual partner either.  So they end up accepting the accompanying abuse.

People can be manipulative. Abusers are generally very good at it. Is there a way that your partner smiles or cries that will just melt your heart every time and make you want to do whatever they are suggesting? Do you suspect that this is sometimes done on purpose? Even if your partner never would use such a thing it can be guaranteed that there are people that will use these ploys on their partners. Often times this is innocent. In the hands of an abuser it is not. Often they will know just what buttons to push to convince a partner to stay. She smiles in just that way or she cries in just that way or she says just that one thing and he ends up staying.

It is so often said that no one deserves abuse. This is quite true and it is true regardless of the gender of the victim. If you are in an abusive situation get the help you need. If, due to an abusive situation, you are finding yourself at the wrong end of the law you need a Pierce County / Tacoma defense attorney. Call or e-mail the Law Offices of Smith & White, PLLC – your expert case analysis awaits you.